I felt this post resonate with my very soul and I knew I had to give it life
(I am so sorry everyone)
can we talk about this
THERE’S A GODDAMN LUCHADORE BIRD POKEMON AND NONE OF YOU DOUCHEBAGS BOTHERED TO TELL ME?
DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT THIS CHANGES?
LOOK AT THAT MOTHERFUCKER. HE’S READY TO GRAPPLE AND SUPLEX THE SHIT OUT OF YOU, YOUR POKEMON, YOUR MOM, YOUR DAD, AND YOUR WHOLE GODDAMN EXTENDED FAMILY
WANNA HEAR WHAT THE POKEDEX SAYS ABOUT THIS UNSTOPPABLE FORCE OF PURE WRESTLING INSANITY WHILE IT PISSES IT’S ELECTRONIC PANTS?
"Although its body is small, its proficient fighting skills enable it to keep up with big bruisers like Machamp and Hariyama."
THAT’S RIGHT PANTSHITTER MACHAMP AND HARIYAMA
Machamp “The Superpower Pokemon”
Weight: 286.6 lbs
Hariyama “The Armthrust Pokemon”
Weight: 559.5 lbs
WEIGHT: 47.4 lbs
THAT’S RIGHT THIS BIRD IS BARELY THE SIZE OF A TODDLER AND HE HANGS WITH A QUARTER TON SUMO WRESTLER AND A POKEMON CALLED THE FUCKING “SUPERPOWER POKEMON”
Hey pal, what’s your favorite pokemon?
FUCK YOUR PUNK-ASS CHARIZARD, THIS MOTHERFUCKER WILL FUCKING MOONSAULT HIS BITCH-ASS OUT OF THE GODDAMN SKY!
THAT’S RIGHT DICKLORD! HE’S FUCKING FLYING/FIGHTING TYPE!
"But doesn’t that make him weak against like nine types?"
SORRY I COULDN’T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF YOU BEING PUT INTO THE MEANEST COBRA CLUTCH OF YOUR LIFE BY A FUCKING TWO FOOT TALL BIRD!
YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT THE FRENCH CALL THIS HARD-ASS MOTHERFUCKER?
THAT’S RIGHT THE FRENCH KNOW WHEN YOU SEE A HAWLUCHA IN THE TALL GRASS YOU BEST JUST MOVE ALONG BITCH BEFORE HE GIVES YOU THE MOST BRUTAL ELBOW DROP YOU’VE EVER HEARD OF!
This is the only way I imagine the little tyke flying me around.
This is really sketchy and horrible and I apologize.
i have headcanon that brian met bird jesus at some point.
Honestly when TPP first started its crystal run, I felt rather annoyed at all the people being so quick to force the bird jesus label onto the new pidgey, guess this was a bit of venting from myself about that